A small sex toy can help you discover more about your body’s erogenous zones and add extra stimulation. While you may enjoy some alone time with your favorite vibrator, using a toy during coupled sex can bring everyone an added layer of enjoyment. These ideas for talking to your partner about using sex toys in the bedroom can let the good feelings (and vibrators) roll if you’re thinking about trying something new between the sheets.
Gigi Engle, certified sex coach, sexologist, and author of All The F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life, tells Elite Daily that “although sex toys are fantastic for solo-sex, they’re not entirely restricted to masturbation.” “We need to stop putting boundaries around our sexual playtime. Sex toys are suitable for all types of sexual play and can be used in various ways to improve partnered sex.” I’m all for maximizing the #goodvibes, at the risk of sounding like a barefoot frat boy at a Dave Matthews concert.
And if you’re seeking to spice up your sex life, these four recommendations for talking to your significant other about bringing your favorite toy to the party can come in handy.
Remind them that it is not a substitute.
You could choose all the toppings for your sex life if it were a make-your-own sundae party. It’s not an either-or situation for toys and relationships; it’s an “all of the above” case. “Sex devices should be viewed as a gift, not a threat to your sex life,” Engle argues. “There’s a stigma attached to sex toys as if they can replace a partner during sex, but this is nonsense. They’re made to be messed with, explored, and utilized to induce toe-curling orgasms in the penis and vulva-owning people.”
Toys can boost closeness and climax for everyone involved, according to Engle. If your partner is hesitant about bringing a toy into the bedroom, remind them that it is not a competition, and it’s just more stimulation for both of you.
Use some sexy (and positive) affirmation.
Sex may be a very sensitive topic. Maybe you know your partner feels a little self-conscious about doing the dirty, or they could use a little boost of confidence (who couldn’t?). Positive (and sexy) affirmations can make you feel extra supported while trying new activities by framing your wants or desires. “‘Babe,’ you can say. I adore having sex with you because you’re such a great kisser. If we brought my vibrator into the bedroom, I think I’d have more orgasms. We have such passionate sex, and I think it would be so exciting to try new things,’ she says, “Engle explains.
Starting and concluding the conversation with something sensual and uplifting, as Engle suggests, can make your boo feel more confident as you consider adding toys. Rather than stating, “My vibrator gets me more than you ever will,” try adding, “I adore how your body feels, and I think it would be really hot to put a toy in.”
Let’s talk about toys for couples.
If your partner isn’t familiar with sex toys, they may be unaware of what’s available. Whether they have preconceived notions about vibrators or know about vaginal-centered toys, discussing toys for couples or their bodies may help them get on your hot wavelength.
According to Engle, “many toys are created with pair play in mind.” “The Womanizer Premium, for example, has a lengthy base, so you may have penetrative intercourse while holding the toy over the clitoris (intended to resemble oral sex). The Aneros Trident prostate massage can be used to improve oral sex or intercourse for penis-owners, providing them with twice the pleasure.”
Whether you’re looking for a toy to glide between your rockin’ bods as you put it on or some penis-centered action, discussing items that both of you can use can help them join in the enjoyment.
Maintain a straightforward approach.
Engle recommends starting with something low-key and visually pleasing if you’re dipping your toes into the sex toy pool or want to be low-key about adding a toy. Engle advises, “Don’t pick some terrifying phallic monster dildo.” “Pick something small and even adorable.” Adding a simple toy between the sheets can make your sex life bright, whether you go for a Marie Kondo minimalism style (I like the Maude Vibe) or try out a little finger vibes situation, like the Dame Fin.
Adding a toy to your sex life, no matter what you and your partner are into, maybe a terrific way to spice things up. Of course, before going into it, it’s necessary to discuss consent and intentions. Though experimenting might be enticing and entertaining, the comfort and safety of everyone are paramount. A toy between the sheets is something that everyone can get behind, whether it’s for a little finger vibe or to give some extra excitement during oral.